Silverkitten: a misfit in a pretentiously fit world...

Silverkitten: a misfit in a pretentiously fit world...: Here's to the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers! No sadists tell me to settle down!.... People want you to 'settle down.&...

a misfit in a pretentiously fit world...

Here's to the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers!



No sadists tell me to settle down!....People want you to 'settle down.'

Lot of people settle down too early- they settle with people they don't like and produce children hoping that would help their 'settling down!' 

People tell me I am crazy! I think the world is crazy!

The quest for the solution continues….

I was talking to someone and we were discussing photography. It struck me that someday, when I do up my own place, I shall devote a wall to a few frames …A house that is very far from reality and moments to capture before they are faded….

I remember the first time I heard house music. I was impressed by the stylish and lofty sound of it, I was keen on hearing until I made friends with a DJ and then there is a thought… what if I choose to be a DJ…

Actually, it is just a result of an impulsive decision to ponder over things I should do in the coming year

Dude but what’s stopping me..…what’s stuck and really, what is it that is wrong? … And I wonder what it is that I might have to change to get myself rid of sense of restlessness and dis-comfort !

Guess… an Anchor is missing..

As I scrutinize my mind to come up with an answer I realize it is a sense of purpose that is lacking. A direction that I can look towards and feel that this is exactly what I want to look forward to. A plan is missing ….. in fact it doesn’t seem to exist.

I am not used to asking myself “what next?” Things just followed one after another and fell in place. When I was completing my Masters, I realized it was high time I considered earning a salary. Voila! And I was earning and soon enough I began to learn new things, pick up skills and got put into challenging situations, the successful completion of which made me feel good about myself. I took upon myself to change a few things in my life – took a few personal decisions which I felt were right. In all of this, while there was contemplation involved, it never seemed that things were out of place.

Come to think of it, I have seen much worse (per conventional standards) in the past. Lived through 2 deaths in quick succession, people I truly wish I could bring back. However, even those times didn’t seem as testing. I seem to be in midpoint where nothing is drastically wrong, yet nothing is drastically right either. Nothing is moving – it’s a stagnant quicksand. It’s like being suspended into oblivion…an uncomfortable space... Be it my career or life in general, there seems to be a lack of excitement. Achievement and a sense of being the best seems history…. Loser, loser, loser – is all I hear myself !!

My modus operandi hasn’t changed. I continued to do what I wanted to do but something went wrong somewhere. Something just didn’t seem to click... There is a lack of conviction and faith that everything will work out for a good reason. The magic masala is gone!  As a consequence, my sense of self -worth has taken a toll… there are many who would let the situation take the better of them and decided to settle for less, simply because they didn’t want to lose whatever little they had found.

 And here I keep wondering…can I  just settle for less – don’t think it will be that bad!

I have always been very ardent about never settling for less. But through the course of this year, something tells me that perhaps it is an inevitable reality! Scary indeed!!!. I have also met a lot of people this year who have talked to me and told me that I should abandon my fairytales and come to terms with “real life”. Well, my life was very real and all figured out even while I was living my fairytale!

Where is my life’s talisman??? Never understand now what I should do – with my taxes, my finances, my career, my wedding, my habits, my life….!!!!